Looking for a girlfriend? – 8 things to keep in mind

Me and my Girlfriend enjoying a Maltese Sunsetphoto © 2010 Alex France | more info (via: Wylio)

Finding the right partner is a uniquely challenging task. It’s different from seeking any thing else because what you are seeking here is another human with his/her own ideas, needs and likes. If you are a guy looking for a girlfriend, here are 8 things to keep in mind.

Effort. The best thing to do is to learn with experiments and efforts. Like every other thing in life, you improve your chances by making continuous effort. The more you try, the more you learn from your failures, the closer you get to the desired results. Taking action is also the only way to feel better than you do now. It only seems threatening before you start. Once you do make the effort, you wonder what you had been waiting for all this while. Try… you will not regret it.

Differences. Men and women have as many differences as they have similarities. We both look for partners and we have both got some of the same needs from each other. But there are certain key differences as well. It helps to understand the differences. When you make your case to a girl, you have to ensure you cater to her needs as well. It may be because of the way we have evolved over the centuries, it may be because of the differences in our roles throughout history(men as hunter/gatherers and women as caretakers of home and kids). It does not matter. What matters is to understand these differences and to address them properly.

Men got wired to look for women with whom they have the best genetic matchup for strong, healthy kids(at a purely physical attraction level, our ideas and prejudices may still affect our decisions). Women, who also look for that, got wired for something else as well – to look for a man who provides security for herself and her kids.

While these roles are probably redundant in modern day society, an understanding of these does help in understanding the likes and dislikes of the genders and, better still, in understanding what appeals to them :)

Women still prefer understanding, strong men who can provide for them and who will look well after their kids.

The sooner you accept these differences and work with them, rather than against them, the better it is for you. When you are looking for someone, give equal attention to the wired needs of both yourself and your potential partner.

Respect. As much as you want a relationship, understand that what you want here is a person, not an object. This is different from getting other things you have wanted so far. Here, you have to not only find someone you like, but that someone has to like you too. Be respectful of their needs, girls put a lot of focus on finding a respectful and understanding person to connect with.

Although this may seem very challenging and complex, it is not so. While you are looking for them, they are looking for you, waiting for you to make the first move!

Security. As I said before, girls look for security. I won’t say you need to be rich and powerful or that you need to understand everything she feels. But you do need to show some potential for all these. Until you show you have the smarts and potential to be at a level where she wants you, she will not find you very interesting.

Now different girls have different ideas about security and emotional compatibility. What your type of girls like is for you to find out, through effort.

Mystery. Girls have better intuition and a better emotional quotient. They are not direct. Since they are good at understanding subtle hints, they may expect the same from guys. This puts a lot of guys off. Just be patient, she will understand the difference in time. She will understand you as the idiot you are!

Rather than getting mad at them for not being direct, understand that this is also a trait that makes you like them even more. The mystery is exciting and part of the attraction you have towards them! Accept the way things are rather than being mad, work at your skills to pick up the hints. They will like you for the efforts you make, even if you still remain an idiot :)

Initiative. While girls have the pleasure of using subtle advances, we are left with making the overt ones. Even if a girl shows interest, we will have to say and put out things clearly into the open. Girls like guys who will take the initiative. You might never have done this before but there is always a first time. Don’t be afraid. Be a man… that’s what she is looking for, literally.

You will have to experiment and learn to convey your interest clearly, respectfully and with a tinge of romance. Be tactful and gentle. Again, what your girl likes might be different from what another girl likes. Experiment and find out. Go ahead and try! Don’t fear failure, either you will succeed, or you will learn something important.

Grooming. Be well groomed. A lot of guys think that it requires good looks to attract girls. That’s not totally true. Girls are more of an emotional creature and don’t value looks as much. As long as you carry yourself well, you can be attractive to just about any girl you can think of. Be polished, both in your appearance and manners. But don’t stretch this too far either. Maintain your originality and your particular sense of self, don’t copy others.

Sportsmanship. Take yourself lightly. Don’t be too stuck up, don’t be too tight. Allow yourself to try and make some mistakes. It’s OK! It might look like it but this is not the ‘be all, end all’ of life. Accept the possibility that she may reject your offer. It might hurt, a lot! But don’t you stop trying because of that. Feel the hurt and then let it go. Try again! Never stop doing that. It will happen. Keep trying :)


Well, that is all. Work on these aspects and have patience, the results may take some time in showing up but they will. The points I mention above are helpful in general, while they will help you in looking for a girlfriend, you might be surprised by the positive effect they have on your relations in general.

Best of luck!

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