Are you craving for a soul mate? Are you longing to share the joys of life with the perfect partner? Or do you already have a relationship/family and are trying to make it as loving and meaningful as you had always imagined.
When I was in my teens, I had very strong, conservative ideas and did not talk to girls at all. This was also a time when my relationship with my family was not very good. I had a lot of arguments with my father and I blamed him for a lot of my troubles. When I consciously began improving myself, I started questioning a lot of things that I had taken to be true on face value. I realized that wanting to have a girl friend was not a bad thing. I was about 20 at that time and I had no idea what to do. Well I tried a lot of things, with a lot of girls. There were many a conscious measures that I took, and some desperate ones. It took me a long time(about 8 years) to find someone I really felt one with. I learned a lot during this time, through many experiences. My relationship with my father, meanwhile, has also improved. We appreciate and respect each other.
Recently, an acquaintance of mine has had some problems finding a partner and this reminded me of my own search. I felt like sharing my insights and came up with this post. Here are a few things I have learned:
1. Stop looking for love outside, love yourself first. This is the single most important suggestion I have. As much as you want to be loved and as much as it is justified by the craving nature has put in you, no one finds you interesting if you don’t love yourself. If you hold a bad image of yourself and suffer from low self-esteem, you will find yourself alone, unhappy or in the company of other, low self-esteem people.
All the love you want in your life is within you. You have a unique personality and if you love yourself for what you are, you will find others who will appreciate it as much as you do. Have faith in yourself. When you love yourself, you radiate that love out and that love attracts others. They start finding you lovable and admirable.
In fact, I will go so far as to say that you are solely responsible to love yourself, you are not going to get it from someone outside, not even from your life partner. Other people can only share that love and happiness. When you love yourself, you learn to love others. Your purpose in seeking a partner should be to give love rather than receive it. If you are looking at others to receive it, you are acting out of want and scarcity and that will only attract a void in your life. Focus on loving yourself and giving love to others.
2. If you don’t have a partner, act as if you are about to receive one. Make all your thoughts and actions congruent with your wish. There is a lot of power in thought and intention. Believe that the Universe is about to introduce you to your partner.
Make sure everything around you – your dwelling place, your future plans, the company of people you keep; are all in sync with this desire. Keep pictures that show love, companionship and happiness on the walls and as your computer’s wallpaper. Make plans and imagine in vivid details how you are going to live with your partner, how would a normal day be like, how would your life be with him/her. Start making friends with people who are of a similar mindset or who already have love in their life.
3. Create the right image of your partner in your mind. Create a mental image of your perfect mate. What qualities would you want him/her to possess. Writing these down would make your intention clearer and stronger.
There might be people that you feel attracted to. If you have a good intuition and don’t hesitate to follow your inner voice, attraction is usually a good pointer. But don’t let social conditioning or physical attraction alone decide for you. A choice that just goes well with family and friends, or just skin deep beauty may not turn out to be a good choice later. Look a little deeper and qualify against your mental image.
4. Go out and do things you like. Become active. If you have certain things you like doing, go out and do them, join groups that do them, join some classes. You will meet a lot of like minded people there, and some of them might be interesting!
If you are in a relationship, try to engage your partner in something both of you enjoy. If your partner is unwilling, go ahead and enjoy life yourself. You happiness and good vibes will attract your partner to it.
5. Be open about it, its nothing to be ashamed of. Let your friends know that you are looking for a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife. They might be able to help you. Most people search for a partner at some point in life and it is perfectly normal. If your friends don’t understand this, maybe you need some other friends.
6. Spend the wait time constructively. It might take some time before you find the right person. Be patient and keep working on yourself. Make your desire clear and strong. Make your life fall more in sync with your desire.
If you are in a relationship that is going through a rough patch, focus your thoughts on how you would like it to be and try align your self with that. Understand that every relationship goes through its share of bad times and emerges stronger, more meaningful. Like everything else in life, there are a lot of ups and downs in the beginning of every relationship. There are times when things seem very bad and you feel like quitting. I think there are no right or wrong sides to it. All relationships and situations are unique and I won’t insult them by proposing a single, solves-it-all formula. But try not to quit on an impulse, under emotional duress. I know it may feel very difficult at such a time but such times are a test. Try to keep yourself calm. Try to make your decision with a cool head and heart. Listen to your inner voice. You will have to be the judge here. No one can tell you what to do. Just remember that whatever you desire with all your heart, can be brought to life.
7. The Sacrifice myth. Do you believe in giving up something to make your loved ones happy? If so, you are inviting unhappiness in your life. By doing this, you are acting from an attitude of scarcity, you believe that there is not enough for everyone. You decide that since you love them, they are more deserving and deprive yourself at their cost. You curb and disrespect your needs to fulfill theirs. But when you find yourself less worthy than others, they find you less worthy too. How often do you hear people say that they sacrifice everything for their loved ones but get nothing in return?
Believe that there is enough for everyone. If you don’t have enough now, work towards getting enough. In the meanwhile, respect your needs and desires as much as you do for others. With this attitude of plenty, you invite more abundance, happiness and love in your life.
8. Have the courage to fail. Just like anything else in life, when you try to build a loving relationship or find your partner, you might have a lot of failed attempts.
Success is not for the meek. When you aim for something in life, you cannot let failure deter you. Stop resisting it and make it your friend, learn from it. In fact, I don’t believe in failures, I either succeed or have a learning experience. Failure is a necessary element of success, embrace it. Learn from every experience and keep improving, improvising. Keep trying and stop not till the goal is reached.