We all have troubles in our lives. To some, it may seem that no sooner have we got over one, another takes its place. There are times when everything seems to be falling apart and we have no idea what to do. At such times, under a lot of stress, it is our tendency to blame things on someone or something else.
If you believe others are responsible for your problems, you make yourself powerless to solve them. I had some hard times in my late teens(I think all teens do :)). I had no idea what I wanted to do in life, I could not focus on studies. This resulted in a lot of heated arguments with my father. I could not get admission in any decent university/college after finishing my 10+2. My father did not have enough money to help me study on donation. A lot of the rich kids did that. I got into an Engineering Institute after 2 years.
I blamed my father for everything. He was the one who could not provide for his son, he was the one arguing.
Over time, I realized that fighting with him, resenting him was not doing me any good. By believing that he was responsible for all my troubles and that he should change himself or do something to solve them, I was sub-consciously telling myself that I could not do anything about my situation.
Your troubles may have been caused by someone or by circumstance. But it is not important who has wronged you or what caused your trouble. Trying to settle blame is a sure fire way to being unhappy and unsuccessful. It is a negative way of looking at things. Instead, look at it as a situation you don’t want to be in and ask yourself how you can get out.
A change in focus can make your problems look different. I stopped resenting my father. Note that we still had our differences but I shifted my focus on solving my problems. Instead of looking for who was responsible, I started looking for advice from friends and mentors on how to fix things. Right away, I started feeling very light. I realized what a heavy weight I had been carrying on myself by resenting my father all the time. Life looked more positive and I felt more happy.
It is YOU who are responsible to solve your troubles and lead yourself to happiness. I enjoyed this new life. It held so many possibilities now. I would seek out the help of my friends or my elder brother for my problems. But, although I felt better than before, a little resentment would still creep in. No one understood my problems as I did. Sometimes they did not understand, sometimes they looked uninterested.
I started realizing something else, others cannot solve my problems forever.
The truth is, if you believe you have to find someone else to solve your problems, you will always find problems for which you need someone’s help. You are sub-consciously telling yourself that you are not capable of solving it on your own.
Others can only give you pointers and motivation, that’s what I am doing here. But they(and I) CAN NOT solve your problems.
Claim your life! This seems like a hard fact at first. I was used to setting blame and feeling helpless. In the beginning, it was very uncomfortable to hold myself responsible for all my troubles. In time, I got used to it and found how liberating it was. I was in control!
Don’t stop if it seems hard. Hold on and a new life will be revealed to you. Be brave. Accept full responsibility for your life. The sooner you do it, the better. When you do this, all your troubles become slaves at your feet. You are totally in command of your life. These troubles are now interesting challenges in the game of life. Instead of running away from them, you will find yourself looking for more of these worthy challenges to take on!
And now, you will find them running away from you